What do you actually do at your job all day?

What do you actually do at your job all day? [is a question you ask me a lot if you are my parents] Lately my answer to the question - if I were to be honest rather than tell them that I am really developing important skill sets, "networking, networking, networking," and figuring out what I really want to do with my life - would be: write short stories and copy and paste news articles and blogs in Outlook drafts, so that if anyone glances at my screen, it looks like I am actually doing work. Also: gchat the hell out of anyone who is on, even if they are red, convinced that no one is ever busy. Also: gchat Annie who sits right behind me to talk trash about coworkers ["what is she eating?!" "he thinks people actually believe he's straight?]. Also: fully participate in "What does the stairwell smell like today?" [An omelet that someone left on the counter overnight, drunk uncle dancing at a wedding reception, and burgers - all recent, actual smells] Also: field personal phone calls for my supervisors. Also: prepare to throw my supervisors under the bus for the sheer volume of their personal phone calls if they ever call me out on any of the above activities.

This is a job where we started talking about the possibility of a snow day, and then got everyone talking about the possibility of a snow day, until there was a snow day. It is hard to take a job seriously when they pay you to not come in, drink spiked hot chocolate, and have indoor snowball fights with your roommates

But this took everything to another level: past stealth reading and writing, past any and all workplace related games, past fielding phone calls from cousins. One of the national directors of something-or-other recently had a meeting with our direct supervisors. He asked them if everything was okay. He said he was worried because Annie and I were getting our work done very quickly, with little mistakes, and not struggling like people had in the past. He was worried that something was seriously wrong, that we were hoarding our work, that one day we would leave the company and they would find piles of work stocked away in our desks [I am not embellishing - he actually presented this scenario to them].

Find me another job where it is cause for suspicion when employees are, you know, productive. Competent. Not dumbasses.

But listen: I like most of the fools I work with and I am getting so much reading done and they keep paying in dollars and I keep showing up.